shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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