T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize