So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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