I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
