I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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