you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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