she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
