He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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