Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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