Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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