Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
