Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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