You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
