my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
