I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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