I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
