doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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