im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize