sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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