my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
