I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
