I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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