So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm really busy with my period
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