did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
