Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
