i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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