I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
