i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
