When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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