Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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