Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
