You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My breasts were aching with rage.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
