conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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