oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
