i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
