y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
