I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
