i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
