Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
