i wish my penis had a tongue
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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