i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
