You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
