Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
