Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we have pet lesbian snakes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize