Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
pray to the hookup gods
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
