i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
