Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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