I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
