she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is Oprah even human
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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