6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
