Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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