I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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