I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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