I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
