She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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