oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
