You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
