youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize