He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
