Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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