RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
