There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
