dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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