fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
