im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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