Already got asked if we're dating
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
