yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We don't watch enough power rangers
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
