What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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