did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
