Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
