sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
